I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Not in the Pool!

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

Mirror Pictures

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the city's stores, he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the picture, but on the way home remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn't much like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

The man's many trips to the barn began to draw Lizzy's suspicion. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with.

Food For Thought

Q: Why did the redneck plant Cheerios in his garden?

A: He thought they were donut seeds.

Expensive Fishing Trip

Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us $1500?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

3 Rednecks in a Morgue

3 Rednecks in a Morgue

Three smiling redneck corpses are lying in a morgue in Alabama, and a detective goes into the coroner's office to find out the cause of death.

The coroner points to the first dead man. "This is Cletus." he says. "He died after winning $23 million on the state lottery."

He then moves onto the second smiling corpse. "This is Bo." the coroner says with a grin. "He died having oral sex with Trudy-May."

Finally he moves onto the last smiling corpse. "This is Roscoe." says the coroner. "He died after being struck by lightning." "Well.." asks the detective. "Why in the hell was he smiling?" "Oh.." says the coroner. "He thought he was having his picture taken."